Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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