I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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