i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
