i wish my penis had a tongue
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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