there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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