She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
