So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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