are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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