I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
