rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
