Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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