Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
