She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
