omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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