& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
