this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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