suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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