I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
