i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
