I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
