let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
