That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's always time for handjobs
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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