i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
