guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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