Got a toothbrush?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
