I'm gonna have a badass scar
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
