I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
