The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
