I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
