We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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