Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
