My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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