Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
