Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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