I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
