There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
