You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
