I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
