this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
