They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
