We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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