Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Still dying that you shit outside
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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