On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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