You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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