you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
