Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
