What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
