college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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