I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
