Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
