when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
