Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
