woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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