problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
ok first of all what the fuck
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
