gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Let's get the cat blown out
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
