Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my phone needs a breathalizer
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You were trust falling into bushes
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
