At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize