If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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