Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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