Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
