Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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