Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
