I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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