just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
