im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
