I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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