Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
