I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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