Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
