I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
