she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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