I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
