end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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