Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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