Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize