My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
