You're so nebulous sometimes
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
