What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
