Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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