Will you blow on my dice?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
