My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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