Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she woke up with a sticky ear
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
