Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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