I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Panties = found
Randomize