i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
