Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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