Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
