Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Congratulations! We have a period
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