i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
