You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
