I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
