ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize