I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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