Taylor Swift is so right about you.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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