If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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