hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
