your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
