He told me they were just razor bumps!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
