I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
