Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
