i already hear my dad disowning me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
