Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I want a musical about memes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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