2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
