he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize