Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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