i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
