please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
