i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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