he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
