I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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