thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
