Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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