Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
