its not stalking. its research.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
